Very clever investment bank predicts Australian currency crash, inbound tourism to boom

    Analysts at Australian investment bank Dillan-Dagg Bank have developed a new way of reliably forecasting the Aussie currency. In a bid to improve on previously consistently wayward Australian dollar forecasts, the bank has developed a new, more sophisticated model, better designed for Australian conditions. Applying the new intelligence, the outlook is for a steep slide in the AUD over the remainder of this year.

    Applying the model, Dillan-Dagg analyst Ivana Porsche says the dollar will plunge to between 45-48 US cents by the end of the year, “making Hungry Jacks the likely dining option for many Australian travellers to the United States this Christmas”.

    Using past models, currency predictions have foreseen rises in the dollar when it is going up – and falls when it is going down. Sometimes they even project the reverse. But almost invariably they manage to be wrong, except for the occasional accident.

    In a secret internal bank document leaked exclusively to Blue Swan Daily, some of the ingredients of the new Dillan-Dagg model are outlined. Key features apply the strike rates of selected Australian fast bowlers over the past 20 years, divided by a factor of major commodity prices plus a real yield spread. To this is applied the reciprocal of the number of spanners in a sidchrome tool chest and the existing terms of trade forecast. Finally a hint of lemon is applied, “to deliver perhaps the most accurate currency model ever produced”, according to CEO Imer Roague.

    “And”, he persisted, “the result of our bet, umm, prediction – which we have hedged carefully – is that there will be a massive boost to inbound tourism, to the economy and to Dillan-Dagg Bank’s investments.”

    As a result of the AUD plunge, inbound tourism is expected to soar in early 2018, especially from New Zealand, whose currency the model predicts will be a world beater, doubling in value against the Aussie by year end. This is due mainly to the much weaker bowling average of the kiwi quicks and the larger average tool chests sold to those immensely innovative and creative New Zealanders.

    Dillan-Dagg is now also reportedly working on a model that can predict the number of Australian parliamentarians without foreign citizenship issues.

    Dillan-Dagg analyst Ivana Porsche finesses the new Dillan-Dagg model…