Donald Trump saves lives, moves mountains

The past year was the safest ever in commercial aviation history with no fatalities being recorded on jet passenger aircraft. This is nothing to do with the years of work and significant investment made by the industry in safety protocols, recurrent training for staff etc, but the power of one man… Donald Trump.

As well as tweeting this week about the size of his nuclear button and its effectiveness in an ongoing dispute with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, President Trump has taken credit for the improving aviation safety level.

“Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news – it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!” Trump tweeted on the afternoon of 02-Jan-2018 shortly after the end of year safety reports started being released.

Overall, The Aviation Safety Network reported there were 10 fatal commercial passenger and cargo plane crashes that killed 44 people. Those crashes involved small propeller and cargo aircraft.  Dutch aviation consultancy To70 estimated that the fatal accident rate for large commercial passenger flights is 0.06 per million flights, or one fatal accident for every 16 million flights.

International organisations such as ICAO (International Civil Aviation Organization) and IATA (International Civil Aviation Organization) and others continue to work hard with their safety-driven efforts, but as White House spokesman Raj Shah explains: “President Trump raised the bar for our nation’s aviation safety and security.”

In a statement attempting to help explain President Trump’s tweet and his remarkable achievement, he also highlighted his (failure to) upgrade of the national Air Traffic Control system, along with new procedures for vetting foreigners entering the US.

“The president is pleased there were no commercial airline deaths in 2017, and hopes this remains consistent in 2018 and beyond,” he generously adds.

White House insiders have provided The Blue Swan Daily with exclusive insights into President Trump’s plans for 2018 and beyond. “This year, he is planning to move the world’s tectonic plates at least three inches”, they explained. “This is something that no other President in history has been able to achieve in his first term. I expect in doing so I will create bigger and more spectacular volcanic eruptions than ever before. A remarkable achievement!”

The President has reportedly also formed a Task Force to determine what other miraculous triumphs he will achieve in 2018. Among those being considered are increasing the price of oil, lengthening the US summer and enriching the top 1% of the population.